They have one of the great stadia in English football, a ground where two stands rise into the skies as though it is the Camp Nou of the North-east. They have a fanbase that fills it. They have 10 outfield players in the famous black-and-white kit and a goalkeeper in a strangely luminous kit.
But they don’t have a team, just a dispirited, disjointed group.
They don’t have a squad, after weakening it in January. They don’t have a defence, with two midfielders pressed into service at full-back.
They don’t have a manager, only a stop-gap who is out of his depth.
They don’t have a point in their last six games.
They don’t have any real cause for optimism. Salvation will surely lie in the likelihood that three other teams won’t reach 35 points, rather than in anything Newcastle might do themselves.
They don’t have any discipline. Their top scorer, Papiss Cisse, is still suspended for spitting. For the second time in four games, Newcastle had their captain dismissed. Fabricio Coloccini saw red at Goodison Park, Moussa Sissoko at Anfield, both for awful, avoidable lunges. Now Newcastle’s best player will sit out two games.
And most important of all ... they don’t have any tactical formula.
Sissoko’s actions highlighted the crisis of leadership at the club. Newcastle have an unaccountable, seemingly uninterested owner, in Mike Ashley, and an unconvincing, unsuccessful imitation of a manager.
Carver’s temporary status as a top-flight manager could probably only happen at Newcastle.
His elevation from the ranks, rather than hiring a permanent replacement for Alan Pardew, was not merely a case of cost-cutting. It showed complacency, a lack of ambition and a willingness to write off the rest of the season.
Newcastle are likely to limp over the line. They will stay up by default, presuming the clubs beneath them will not catch them.
It is little wonder the fans are in revolt.
After every single game Carver claims there are “a lot of positives”, but he knew full well the performance shown against Tottenham was a DISGRACE.
The one positive as far as Ashley is concerned, is that he ought to make a profit on Krul, Sissoko and Janmaat in the summer.
And THAT dear friends ... says it all!