Man Utd 3 1970's Fashion Disaster 0

Last updated : 17 August 2010 By Footy Mad - Editor

MAN UTD 3 NEWCASTLE 0

MAN UTD: Van der Sar, O'Shea, Vidic, Jonathan Evans, Evra (Rafael Da Silva 87), Valencia, Fletcher, Scholes,Nani (Giggs 71), Berbatov, Rooney (Hernandez 63). Subs Not Used: Kuszczak, Smalling, Carrick, Macheda.

NEWCASTLE: Harper, Perch, Coloccini, Williamson, Jose Enrique, Routledge, Smith, Nolan (Ameobi 71), Barton,Gutierrez (Xisco 80), Carroll. Subs Not Used: Krul, Ryan Taylor, Vuckic, Ranger, Tavernier.

Att: 75,221

So much so it was embarrassing!

Sir Alex Ferguson had his team turn out in "ship-shape and Bristol fashion", not a hair out of place and everyone looking to grace the playing field of the 'Stadium Of Dreams'.

Yes - if there is such a term - they LOOKED like footballers.

Newcastle, on the other hand, had Andy Carroll trying to concentrate while playing with his long flowing locks and hair slide; Fabricio Coloccini looking like a 1970s Scouser with a 'bubble perm gone wrong'; Jonas Gutierrez in desperate need of a bath(!); and Joey Barton looking like Charlie Chaplin.

Which wouldn't have been too bad ... had the boys performed on the night.

Carroll said in his post-match interview he thought they all played "very well". Sadly I thought the opposite, and the result mirrored the look of the two teams in the pre-match line-up ... it was Men v Clowns!

Dimitar Berbatov sent Manchester United on their way to a comfortable 3-0 win after being handed a starting berth alongside Wayne Rooney and responded by drilling home a 33rd-minute effort past the flapping Steve Harper.

The Bulgarian should have had another goal after half-time but, after Darren Fletcher had doubled the Red Devils' advantage shortly before the break, it was evergreen substitute Ryan Giggs who extended his remarkable record of scoring in every Premier League season when he latched on to Paul Scholes' inspired pass and sent a first-time volley bouncing past Harper.

Wayne Rooney has now gone 13 matches for club and country since he last scored, and he couldn't add to the NINE goals he has scored again the Toon in his career, but he let at least four great chances go begging.

Questions will continue to be asked if Newcastle are good enough top stay in the Premiership, but we were so outclassed by a superior team, perhaps this was not the game to judge.

Things could have been worse - at least Michael Owen's lack of match practice cost him a place on the bench - and all we needed was that little arse-wipe to come on as sub and rub our nose in it.

It was the first harsh lesson of top-flight life for Newcastle, although some are still arguing we could have got something out of the game had Andy Carroll taken his chance after ten minutes.

His header flashed wide, and we got the feeling at that very moment Man Utd wouldn't be so kind again.