Mick Quinn was the original Toon 'Pie Man', carrying more weight than a lorry load of pork scratchings. But can the same be said about Obafemi Martins?

OK, he made an arse of his back flip after scoring against Villa (and almost ended up ON his arse) ... but I'd love to see Quinny try it in his time at SJP.

He couldn't get off the ground!!!

Who says Martins is "enjoying too much social life"? Nigeria manager Shaibu Amodu ... and he has warned the striker that he needs to improve his physical and psychological fitness.