... one of Newcastle's star assets for £8million.
Or, at least, I hope he wouldn't!
When Alan Pardew arrived we had riches in plenty as regards goalkeepers - Tim Krul, Fraser Forster and Steve Harper.
Not anymore. We still have Tim, and 'not so clever' Rob Elliot.
But AC Milan want to take £8million Tiger Tim Krul from Tyneside to the San Siro in the next fortnight.
The Italian club have maintained their interest in the Holland international even though Clarence Seedorf has replaced Massimiliano Allegri as their coach.
Krul, 25, has been praised as one of the best goalkeepers in Europe by his fellow Dutchman Edvin van der Sar, the former Manchester United goalkeeper. He is also wanted by Bundesliga side Borussia Moenchengladbach.
But he doesn't want to leave Newcastle, so why would Ashley want to cash in?
Answers on a postcard please.
NEWCASTLE UNITED 2013/14
NEWCASTLE 0 MAN CITY 2
Krul, Yanga-Mbiwa (82' Ben Arfa), Williamson, S Taylor, Santon, Anita (73' Cisse), Tiote, Sissoko, Cabaye, Gouffran (82' Haidara), Remy
Subs: Gosling, Elliot, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi
WEST BROM 1 NEWCASTLE 0
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini (65' Yanga-Mbiwa), Santon, Cabaye, Tiote, Gouffran (45' Ben Arfa), Sissoko, Remy, Shola Ameobi (76' Haidara).
Subs: Anita, Cisse, Elliot, S Taylor
NEWCASTLE 0 ARSENAL 1
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Anita (74' Shola Ameobi), Tiote, Sissoko (79' Haidara), Cabaye, Gouffran (62' Ben Arfa), Remy
Subs: Cisse, Yanga-Mbiwa, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi
NEWCASTLE 5 STOKE CITY 1 (Remy 2, Gouffran, Cabaye, Cisse pen)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (61' Haidara), Anita (45' Shola Ameobi), Sissoko, Ben Arfa, Cabaye, Gouffran (72' Cisse), Remy
Subs: Yanga-Mbiwa, Elliot, Obertan, S Taylor
CRYSTAL PALACE 0 NEWCASTLE 3 (Cabaye, Gabbidon og, Ben Arfa pen)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Anita, Tiote, Sissoko, Cabaye (79' Ben Arfa), Gouffran, Remy (75' Shola Ameobi).
Subs: Cisse, Yanga-Mbiwa, Haidara, Elliot, Obertan
NEWCASTLE 1 SOUTHAMPTON 1 (Gouffran)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon (78' Haidara), Sissoko, Anita, Tiote, Gouffran (73' Ben Arfa), Shola Ameobi (61' Cisse), Remy
Subs: Yanga-Mbiwa, Elliot, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi
MAN UTD 0 NEWCASTLE 1 (Cabaye)
Krul, Debuchy (83' Yanga-Mbiwa), Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Cabaye (78' Shola Ameobi), Tiote, Anita, Sissoko, Remy, Gouffran (57' Ben Arfa).
Subs: Cisse, Gutierrez, Elliot, Obertan
SWANSEA 3 NEWCASTLE 0
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson (77' Yanga-Mbiwa), Coloccini, Santon (56' Haidara), Sissoko, Tiote, Cabaye, Gouffran, Shola Ameobi (67' Obertan), Remy
Subs: Anita, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett
NEWCASTLE 2 WBA 1 (Gouffran, Sissoko)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Sissoko (90+5' Cisse), Tiote, Cabaye, Gouffran, Shola Ameobi, Remy (84' Anita)
Subs: Ben Arfa, Yanga-Mbiwa, Elliot, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi
NEWCASTLE 2 NORWICH CITY 1 (Remy, Gouffran)
Krul, Yanga-Mbiwa, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Sissoko, Tiote, Cabaye (68' Anita), Gouffran (83' Ben Arfa), Shola Ameobi (74' Cisse), Remy.
Subs: Haidara, Elliot, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi
TOTTENHAM 0 NEWCASTLE UTD 1 (Remy)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga-Mbiwa, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye, Tiote, Gouffran (85' Obertan), Remy (75' Cisse), Shola Ameobi (60' Anita).
Subs: Coloccini, Ben Arfa, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi
NEWCASTLE UTD 2 CHELSEA 0 (Gouffran, Remy)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga-Mbiwa, Santon, Sissoko, Cabaye, Tiote (53' Anita), Gouffran (85' Obertan), Shola Ameobi (62' Cisse).
Subs: Ben Arfa, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi, Tavernier.
SUNDERLAND 2 NEWCASTLE 1 (Debuchy)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Dummett, Santon, Sissoko (45' Cisse), Tiote, Cabaye, Gouffran (86' Sammy Ameobi), Ben Arfa, Remy (70' Shola Ameobi).
Subs: Anita, Haidara, Elliot, Obertan.
NEWCASTLE UTD 2 LIVERPOOL 2 (Cabaye, Dummett)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga-Mbiwa, Santon, Cabaye (78' Sammy Ameobi), Tiote, Gouffran, Sissoko (45' Dummett), Remy, Ben Arfa (78' Anita).
Subs: Cisse, Elliot, Obertan, Dummett.
CARDIFF CITY 1 NEWCASTLE 2 (Remy 2)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Santon, Tiote, Cabaye (86' Ben Arfa), Gouffran, Sissoko, Remy (71' Gutierrez), Cisse
Subs: Anita, Yanga-Mbiwa, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett
EVERTON 3 NEWCASTLE 2 (Cabaye, Remy)
Krul, Debuchy, Yanga-Mbiwa (46' Williamson), Coloccini, Santon, Tiote, Anita (69' Cisse), Ben Arfa (46' Cabaye), Sissoko, Gouffran, Remy
Subs: Elliot, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett
NEWCASTLE 2 HULL CITY 3 (Remy 2)
Krul, Debuchy (86' Tiote), Yanga-Mbiwa, Coloccini, Santon, Cabaye (62' Gouffran), Anita, Sissoko, Ben Arfa, Cisse (73' Marveaux), Remy
Subs: Williamson, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett
ASTON VILLA 1 NEWCASTLE 2 (Ben Arfra, Gouffran)
Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, Yanga-Mbiwa, Santon, Anita (74' Tiote), Cabaye (88' Sammy Ameobi), Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Remy (63' Gouffran), Cisse
Subs: Elliot, Marveaux, S Taylor, Dummett
NEWCASTLE 1 FULHAM 0 (Ben Arfa)
Krul, Debuchy, Yanga-Mbiwa, Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Anita 65' (Cabaye), Marveaux 74' (Remy), Shola Ameobi 65' (Gouffran), Cisse
Subs: Gosling, Elliot, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett
NEWCASTLE 0 WEST HAM 0
Krul, Debuchy, Yanga-Mbiwa, Coloccini, Santon, Ben Arfa, Sissoko, Anita, Marveaux 66' (Sammy Ameobi), Shola Ameobi, Cisse 72'
Subs: Gosling, Bigirimana, Elliot, Vuckic, Dummett
MAN CITY 4 NEWCASTLE 0
Krul, Debuchy, Coloccini, S Taylor, Yanga-Mbiwa, Sissoko, Tiote, Gouffran 45+4' (Dummett), Ben Arfa 65' (Sammy Ameobi), Gutierrez 44' (Anita), Cisse
Subs: Elliot, Marveaux, Shola Ameobi, Obertan
NEWCASTLE 0 MAN CITY 2 (AET)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Yanga-Mbiwa, Haidara (45 Dummett, 80 Ben Arfa), Anita, Tiote, Gouffran, Sissoko, Shola Ameobi (66 Cabaye), Cisse
Subs: Remy, Elliot, Obertan, Sammy Ameobi
NEWCASTLE 2 LEEDS UTD 0 (Cisse, Gouffran)
Krul, Debuchy, Williamson, Coloccini, Dummett, Gouffran (90' Vuckic), Anita (80' Gosling), Tiote, Marveaux, Sammy Ameobi, Cisse (71' Obertan).
Subs: Ben Arfa, Yanga-Mbiwa, Bigirimana, Alnwick
MORECAMBE 0 NEWCASTLE 2 (Shola Ameobi, Sammy Ameobi)
Elliot, Debuchy, Yanga-Mbiwa, Good, Dummett, Bigirimana, Gosling, Marveaux 88' (Sissoko), Vuckic 46' (Shola Ameobi), Sammy Ameobi, Gouffran 71' (Ben Arfa)
Subs: Santon, Anita, Alnwick, Streete
NEWCASTLE 1 CARDIFF CITY 2 (Cisse)
Elliot, Santon, S Taylor, Yanga-Mbiwa, Haidara, Sissoko (85' Shola Ameobi), Tiote, Anita, Gouffran (63' Obertan), Ben Arfa, Cisse (85' Remy).
Subs: Williamson, Sammy Ameobi, Dummett, Alnwick
WEST HAM - The Boleyn Ground
Where To Drink?
Kevin Hosking informs me; 'Probably the best option for away fans is the Wetherspoon outlet called Millers Well which is opposite East Ham Town Hall. It is though about a twenty minute walk away along Barking Road (although it may be an idea to travel to East Ham tube station before the game, go to the pub and then walk on to the stadium). Another good option is the Denmark Arms also on the Barking Road near the East Ham Town Hall; this is a large pub which shows all live football games'.
Lou Pearman adds; 'Away fans may also be able to drink in the 'Duke Of Edinburgh' near to Upton Park Tube Station. Turn left out of the tube station and walk to the mini roundabout and it's on your right. There are also a few pie 'n' mash shops nearby (a traditional East End favourite). Turn right out of the tube station and just opposite is 'Duncans Pie n Mash'. Don't be put off by the queue, because they don't hang about and serve you very quickly'. Peter Bennett a visiting Newcastle fan adds; 'We had a drink in safety in the Queens on Green Street'. This pun is also near to Upton Park Underground Station (as you come out of the station turn right and the pub is down on the right).
Most of the other pubs around the ground are very partisan, and are for home supporters only. The Boleyn Pub on the corner near to the ground, plus the Greengate, Wine Bar and Village pubs all on Barking Road should all be given a wide berth by away fans.
How To Get There By Car & Where To Park
Directions from the M25:
Travel to M25 Junction 27, and go on to the M11 southbound. Follow the M11 south until it divides to join the A406 (North Circular Road). Take the Left Hand fork signposted A406 South. Do not follow the signs for the City.
The end of the motorway joins the A406 from the left, creating a 4 lane road for a short distance. You need to be in one of the outside 2 lanes (this can be tricky if traffic is heavy). Proceed south (dual carriageway with slip roads) passing the junctions for Redbridge, and Ilford.
Leave the A406 at the Barking junction. At the roundabout at the bottom of the slip road, turn right, taking the 3rd exit towards East Ham (Barking Road). Proceed West along Barking Road through several sets of traffic lights until you have passed the lights at East Ham Town Hall (big red Victorian building on the left just before the lights). 3/4 mile further, you pass the ground on your right (behind a parade of shops, including the Hammers Shop). At the next lights (Boleyn Arms Pub on right hand corner), turn right into Green Street. The main entrance to the ground is 200 yards on your right. Thanks to Gareth Howell for providing the directions.
On Saturday matchdays, parking is very restricted with little or no off-road parking. The best areas to look for spaces are roads left off Barking Road, once you are past the lights at East Ham Town Hall. Andy Wright suggests; 'You can park at Newham General Hospital, where there is a pay and display car park, which costs £2 for three hours, or £4 for six. To find the hospital; From Barking Road, passing the ground on your right, after a few traffic lights turn left into Prince Regent Lane (Newham General is signposted at the lights), the hospital is just up this road and is about a 15 minute stroll away from the ground'.
Rob Wells adds; 'As a season ticket holder who travels to home games from Nottingham I can offer an alternative route from the M11 to avoid the nightmare of Barking Road on a Saturday. After leaving the M11 on the A406 take the exit for A12 signposted Stratford. Stay on this road taking the underpass to the Green Man roundabout, which is a major junction. Then take the A11, again signposted Stratford. After about three miles turn left onto the A112 signposted East Ham, through Plaistow. Carry on over the junction with Barking Road (A124). Third left after this junction is Glen Road, which takes you to the aforementioned Newham Hospital for parking. I find this journey a lot easier, although not recommended for midweek matches as the traffic gets too heavy'.
Whilst Alex Stewart suggests an alternative route; 'come off the M25 at J29 and take the A127 to Upminster. Park at Upminster tube station (£2 for the day) and you can get a return ticket to Upton Park which will get you there in less than 25 minutes' (Cost £8 return adults, under 16's go free). Chris Ackrill agrees; 'I've experimented over several years with various routes to the stadium, and my conclusion is that it saves time and frustration by parking well in the suburbs and getting a tube. Getting anywhere near the ground by road can easily add on an hour, and it'll be the hardest hour's drive you've ever had. Things are no better on Sundays either'.
Post Code for SAT NAV: E13 9AZ
By Train and Tube
The nearest tube station is Upton Park which is on the District, plus the Hammersmith & City Lines. The station is a short walk from the ground. Please note that West Ham tube station is nowhere near the ground. Steve Cook adds; 'the queue at Upton Park tube station after the game can be horrendous. You are better off going for a couple of pints and letting the queues die down. There are plenty of pubs along Plaistow High Road which are only a 5-10 minute walk from the stadium and as long as visitors are 'well behaved' they are more than made welcome'. Adam Long a visiting Reading fan informs me; 'After the game you are probably best to walk up to East Ham, which will at least mean you will get a seat, before everyone else gets on at Upton Park'. Craig Belcher a visiting West Brom fan adds; 'Rather than face the long queues at Upton Park, we walked down to the next station on the line, Plaistow, which is only a ten minute walk away from Upton Park. We managed to get on a tube okay, as apparently according to station staff the tubes are not filled to full capacity on leaving Upton Park''. Just turn left after Upton Park station, into Harold Road. Walk down to the end of this road (it becomes Terrace Road) and then bear left into Pelly Road/Clegg St. At the bottom of Clegg Street is a T-junction with Plaistow High Street. Turn right into the High Street and Plaistow station is further down on the left.
Whilst Andrew Saffrey suggests; 'Forest Gate station is about 25 minutes walk from Upton Park, and it's much less busy than Upton Park Station after the final whistle. It is served by local Great Eastern trains from Liverpool Street. Turn right out of the station, then left at the corner next to the pizza shop into Hampton Road. Walking down Hampton Road, turn first right into Richmond Road, a small street with traffic calming and lots of roundabouts. Go straight down this road and this eventually becomes Green Street. Then for the long walk down Green Street which has lots of shops and takeaways, before arriving at Upton Park'.
Newcastle United Fixtures
Saturday January 18 - 15:00 West Ham v Newcastle United
Tuesday January 28 - 19:45 Norwich City v Newcastle United
Saturday February 1- 12:45 Newcastle United v Sunderland
Saturday February 8 - 15:00 Chelsea v Newcastle United
Wednesday February 12 - 19:45 Newcastle United v Tottenham