Hardly the sort of player we expected to replace Alan Shearer and wear the famous No 9, but according to the Sunday Post, John Hartson is being linked with a surprise summer move to St James' Park.
Apparently too old to produce the goods in the joke they call the "Scottish Premiership", the experienced former Welsh international is available for £500,000.
The Post reports: "A number of clubs have expressed an interest, including West Brom and Portsmouth, but now Newcastle boss Glenn Roeder is thought to be interested. The 31-year-old would be an ideal short-term replacement for Alan Shearer and would relish the chance to team up with Michael Owen next season."
Ideal what? You have GOT to be joking! The "new Alan Shearer"? The new Billy Whitehurst more like!